By BRUCE LOWITT
Gov. Ron DeSantis is furious over China’s new migration policy in which the Beijing government shipped 50,000 sheep to Florida.
Prime Minister Xi Jinping said the increase of nearly 10-million sheep in China, to a world-record 173-million, was straining his country’s economy. “They’re overrunning some of our cities and are most unwelcome,” he said.
“The number we’ve gifted to the governor is, how do you say it, a drop in the bucket?” the prime minister said. “Florida’s average age is, like, ‘almost dead,’ right? All those old people need sweaters and half of them knit while watching Wheel of Fortune. So, problem solved.”
DeSantis, breaking away from video of his two planeloads of about 50 Venezuelan migrants flown by him from San Antonio, Texas, to Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts, said it was “outrageous that anyone would send anything to my state without first considering the impact.”
“I don’t know what the guy – how does he say his name? Prime Minister Ping? – I don’t know what he’s trying to prove. It’s just plain wrong,” DeSantis shouted over the bleating of hundreds of sheep outside the governor’s mansion in Tallahassee.
The Miami Marlins’ scheduled home baseball games against the Chicago Cubs were canceled due to damage to the artificial turf caused by several thousand sheep that attempted to eat it and expelled it in various ways before dying.
Meanwhile, Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross said the NFL team’s Hard Rock Stadium was “laid waste” by sheep that ate the Bermuda grass.
“Fortunately, Sunday’s game is in Baltimore, so we’ll have time to fix up the place before Buffalo shows up on Sept. 25,” Ross said. “I just hope to hell the Bills aren’t bringing any buffalo with them. I mean, sheep shit is one thing but, well, you know.”
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott denied having anything to do with DeSantis’ migrant migration. “I was too busy staging another one of my stunts, busing a hundred or so of them to (Vice President) Kamala Harris’ home and I’ve got to tell you, I’m really pissed that Ron got all the headlines.”
Former president Donald Trump, holed up at his New Jersey golf club and reading a New York Post report of DeSantis’ political stunt, stared at Eric and Don Jr., and muttered, “Shit! Why didn’t I think of that? I could’ve used my jet to get rid of these two leeches and charged the government.”
Xi, planning a vacation in Taiwan, said he expects “to spend a few days sightseeing with Liu Qingsong, Xu Deqing and Yuan Huazhi (three of his favorite generals), pointing out a bunch of my favorite targets – I mean tourist spots.”
He also said he plans to send “maybe a million sheep to Wyoming.”
The prime minister smiled wickedly.
“What’s that saying about Wyoming? Where men are men and sheep are nervous?” he mused. “They’ll be a lot calmer now. The sheep, I mean. Plenty of room to roam without disturbing the seven people per square mile that live there.”
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