When you think about it, signing Tim Tebow to play tight end was among the least stupid things Urban Meyer did during his 336 days as head coach of the Jacksonville Jaguars.
On Jan. 14, when Meyer signed a five-year contract with the Jags worth at least $50-million, team owner Shahid Khan called him “a leader, winner and champion who demands excellence and produces results.”
After Meyer’s dismissal, Khan observed, “I got four out of five – or all five if ‘results’ includes a 2-11 record, embarrassing headlines, scandals, NFL fines and an acrimonious locker room.”
Tebow won two national college football championships and the Heisman Trophy at Florida when Meyer coached the Gators. But he failed as an NFL quarterback and his signing by the Jaguars was viewed as a joke – except by his new teammates. He was released after playing one preseason game.
“Okay, I guess the Tebow thing was wrong,” Meyer said. “He promised me his prayers would … I mean, I thought he had a direct line to … Never mind. But I absolutely deny any other wrongdoing regarding anything else.”
He said telling several Jaguars cheerleaders they reminded him of a former girlfriend “was meant as a compliment,” limiting the number of escorts on road trips “was a cost-saving measure” and withholding the players’ sippy cups and snacks during halftime “was my way to toughen them up, the way I did with those Buckeye pussies when I won my third championship.”
Meyer insisted he never meant to kick Josh Lambo during training camp, that he was only trying to show the Jaguars’ place-kicker the proper technique “and he walked in front of me to get a better view. Truth be told, it wasn’t my best kick that day. I got holder Logan Cooke in the nuts. Hah! For the next two days he sounded like Billie Eilish.”
Meyer said of the video showing him in an Ohio bar after the rest of the team had flown home following a loss to the Bengals: “I was using my knees to explain the spread offense – which, by the way, I invented – and this woman backed into me and when she turned around the whole thing got blown out of proportion. Wait, maybe ‘blown’ is not the best way to describe it.”
Jaguars quarterback Trevor Lawrence, the No. 1 pick in the 2021 draft, said he doesn’t blame Meyer for his horrendous rookie season “because we haven’t spoken since my second day in training camp when he looked at me, said, ‘Hi, princess,’ and yanked my hair.”
Khan said that “except for the Panama Papers, and rumors in Pakistan about fixing cricket matches and fake diplomas, all of which I swear I was never involved in, I’d say my hiring Urban Meyer was maybe the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.”
He admitted he realized he’d made a mistake two days later when Meyer told a news conference in Jacksonville, “You thought (Nick) Saban and (Steve) Spurrier were great coaches? Wait’ll I show you how it’s done.”
Khan, standing next to his new coach, said, “Wait, what?”
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