Truth or consequences: Not much truth by them but plenty of consequences for them

The nine lawyers who filed an unsuccessful lawsuit supporting former President Donald Trump’s attempt to overturn Michigan’s election results are suing the judge who ruled that they’re idiots and should never again be allowed near a courtroom.

Along with saying they plan to appeal U.S. District Court Linda V. Parker’s ruling that they’re morons and a danger to anyone in the American legal system, the “Kraken Nine” as they have named themselves said they’re going after Parker because, as Trump sycophant and shrill professional hissy-fit Sidney Powell put it, “her snorting and giggling when we were addressing her threw off our timing. And as Frankie Knuckles said, ‘Timing is everything.’”

To which Parker said, “Who the hell is Frankie Knuckles?”

The judge rejected the argument that Joe Biden’s victory – he won Michigan by more than 154,000 votes – was marred by fraud. The suit, prepared by Powell, sought to throw out the result of the election because, according to Section 17, Paragraph 32, Line 46 of her filing, “It sucks.”

Lucian Lincoln “Lin” Wood Jr., another of the attorneys suing Parker, said, “Just because she got her degree from George Washington University, one of the best law schools, and I got mine from the Charlotte School of Law (since closed due to mismanagement and accusations of fraud) doesn’t mean she knows the finer points of our argument any more than I do.”

“For instance,” Wood went on, “when she quoted a portion of my filing and told me, ‘Lin, I’ve got nieces in kindergarten who can write better briefs,’ and ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, Lin, but I think you’re dumber than a fire hydrant,’ I feel she was, um, overstating the situation.”

David Fink, one of Detroit’s lawyers, said the judge’s ruling “confirms that there are consequences for filing a frivolous lawsuit. The truth matters.”

Judge Parker called the Trump supporters’ lawsuit “a historic and profound abuse of the judicial process” and said its claims “were not backed by evidence, but instead, speculation, conjecture and unwarranted suspicion – and I’d like to see your high school diplomas, if any of you have one.”

In addition, she said, “I feel I’ve been thrown into the middle of a Marx Brothers movie and as such I’m ruling that all nine of you have to pay the fees for all the attorneys representing the Michigan defendants, including Gov. Gretchen Whitmer, Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, the state’s board of canvassers, the city of Detroit plus Detroit Lions season tickets for Big Brothers Big Sisters of Metropolitan Detroit, ninety thousand Subway sandwiches for Michigan food banks, and repairing the state’s 9,371 potholes.”

“Further,” Parker added, “I’m requiring all of you to receive 48 hours of legal education including 20 on election law, and three on how to use Wite-Out because I’ve never seen such a mess on a legal document, what with all the crossing out and stuff. Don’t you people know how to use a computer? Also, I’m recommending disbarment for all of you and you’re lucky I’m not throwing your asses in jail. Not because you don’t know anything about the law but because you don’t know how to dress for the occasion. I mean, dungarees, Ms. (Emily) Newman? Flannel shirts, Mr. (Howard) Kleinhendler? A Nehru jacket, Mr. (Gregory) Rohl?”

When Scott Hagerstrom, a political consultant and one of the other nine lawyers, commented, “I don’t make my living practicing law so there’s nothing (the judge) can do to hurt me,” Parker observed, “Fortunately he doesn’t practice law so he can’t hurt his clients.”

Powell said that the nine attorneys will be appealing Judge Parker’s ruling before the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Sixth District and “agreed to have Rudolph Giuliani argue our case.”