How many Republicans does it take to choreograph an insurrection?

Former President Donald Trump and at least a dozen Republican senators and members of the House choreographed the Jan. 6 assault on the Capitol, according to text messages, e-mails and recorded phone calls obtained by the Congressional committee investigating the insurrection.

“Tell them to get in through the west entrance and ignore the Statutory Hall and the Big Rotundra. Go straight and then cut left. Fastest way to the recount,” Trump tells House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, R-Toady, according to a transcript of a previously undisclosed 1:37 p.m. phone call to the White House.

McCarthy replies, “Who the f— do you think you are talking to? I’m not a traffic cop or some f—— tour guide. Get your little House weasel Devin (Nunes, R-Pissant) to do it.”

Thirty-five minutes later, at 2:12 p.m., the rioters breached the Capitol. At that moment, according to a member of the president’s security detail who spoke on condition of anonymity, Trump, watching the invasion on three cable systems and the FOX network, called the White House kitchen and ordered popcorn.

Sen. Rick Scott, R-Cottonmouth, who insists the Jan. 6 investigation is “just as phony as the one that proved I took $300-million in stocks when that hospital I founded forced me out,” said he was meeting with Rep. Paul Gosar, R-Unhinged.

But Gosar, after asking “Which Scott are we talking about, Tim or some other one?”, said he couldn’t recall the meeting because he was “welcoming Capitol tourists that afternoon, like I always do. I remember a few if them showed me really neat flagpoles and stun guns. … Scott? Nope. Don’t think I’ve ever met the one you’re talking about.”

Mo Brooks, R-Benighted, who had been playing Mortal Kombat during a House Armed Services Committee while still wearing body armor he’d worn earlier for his fiery speech at the Ellipse, sent a text message at 2:19 p.m. to fellow Rep. Louie Gohmert, R-Reddestneck, saying, “Whatve (sic) I done? Help me.”

Gohmert, according to the transcript, replied at 2:21 p.m., “You dun (sic) gud (sic). Prouda (sic) you, boy.” Gohmert then relayed Brooks’ text at 2:22 p.m. to Rep. Jim “Gym” Jordan, R-Abusable, who replied in a text at 2:24 p.m., “Busy directing visitors to Nancy’s office.”

Rep. Matt Gaetz, R-Fondler, issued a statement claiming he was “nowhere near the Capitol when patriotic Americans came to show their support for President Trump.”

But a video which one of the protesters took in the Senate with a cellphone later surrendered to police when she was arrested, allegedly shows Gaetz guiding her and several other high school classmates toward his office, saying “You girls will be safe here.” Gaetz claims it’s a “fake video created by the father of someone I used to know,” but declined to identify him.

Rep. Bennie Thompson, D-Riverboat, chairman of the Jan. 6 committee, said it will be calling several members of Congress to testify about what he called “their apparent participation” in the riot.

“But that’s not the only reason,” Thompson said. “Remember when we were holding that Judiciary Committee hearing in July (2020) and Eric (Swalwell, D-Newbeard) asked (Attorney General William) Barr why he wasn’t investigating Trump for commuting Roger Stone’s sentence?

“Remember when Barr said, ‘Why should I?’ and Zoe (Lofgren, D-Earthquake) laughed so hard she blew coffee out of her nose?” Thompson said. “It’s going to be like that again. I guarantee it.”