GOP: Capitol “tourists” were right to be angry

The Republican Jan. 6 Commission has concluded, according to House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy, that “the tourists who disrupted Congress’ certification of the 2020 presidential election were angry because their visit to the Capitol didn’t include a promised lunch with (then-Vice President) Mike Pence.”

“I’d be angry, too, if I was invited to see my government in action and had to go hungry because food wasn’t provided and the Capitol Cafe was closed,” Rep. McCarthy, R-Pissant, said after the commission’s first day of hearings ended. “Nancy Pelosi was in charge of catering and she blew it! Just another Democratic screwup.”

Other members of the commission claimed that was the principal reason, but not the only one, for what Rep. Paul Gosar, R-Sunstroke, called the “rally to maintain the status quo, whatever that is.”

Gosar claimed that “unlike the Arizonites who couldn’t be bothered to come to Washington and convince us to abrogate our responsibility, the thousands of voters who tried to show their love of us in our hallowed halls deserve our support.”

The hearing was broadcast by the One America Network subsidiary, OHNO, and lasted 23 minutes.

It included testimony from U.S. Capitol Police Chief Tom Manger, Washington Metropolitan Police Sgt. Giuseppino Longnose, and the 200 members of the House of Representatives (excluding Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger) who weren’t among the nine selected to serve on the GOP commission.

Rep. Jim Jordan, R-Gymnasium, asked Manger, “Do you feel your officers were sufficiently alerted to the number of patriots who would be visiting us on January sixth?”

Manger replied: “I don’t know. I wasn’t the chief then. Jacqueline (his wife) and I spent the day in Bowie (Md.) on the rides at Six Flags America. Hey, you’ve got to go on the Mind Eraser and Vertical Velocity. Unfreakingbelievable!”

Sgt. Longnose, after confirming he was in fact at the Capitol on Jan. 6, was asked by Rep. Jim Banks, R-Sedition, “Did you ever feel threatened by any tourists visiting us?”

“No,” Longnose said, “but I have to admit I went to a men’s room on the lower level around twelve-thirty (p.m.) to take a … uh, to urinate and the lock broke and the door was jammed and I was stuck in there until a janitor heard me yelling and got me out around a quarter to seven. Why? What happened?”

After the 200 representatives were sworn in as witnesses, a process that took just under 14 minutes because various members either objected to or questioned the meaning of “the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” commission member Rep. Troy Nehls, R-Cowtipper, asked them individually, “Can you describe to the best of your recollection what happened on January sixth when you were in the Capitol?”

According to a tabulation by The Associated Press, the responses were:

“I don’t remember.” (73)

“I’m not sure.” (58)

“I’ll have to get back to you.” (34)

“Whatever Donald says.” 18)

“Sorry. Executive privilege.” (9)

“Did Pelosi put you up to that?” (4)

“Did Fauci put you up to that?” (3)

“F— you!” (1)